The Oklahoma Bombing.
A year before the Bombing I had been intensely suicidal. I almost shot myself and was only stopped by the grace of God and a friend as I was "squeezing" the trigger. So I talked with God about it and I said "God, this is it... no more indecision, I'm giving myself one year to get mentally healthy or I am outta here and nobody can stop me so you send me something." And of course, he did... all the tools on my site.
Never one to do anything half way, I did one year of intensive treasure in - treasure in, nothing but treasure... no news, no day time talk shows, no tv, pure chicken soup for the soul, empowering songs, quotes... the best questions. I was living in a 22 ft travel trailer and I was the happiest person on earth. I knew the darkness in my world still existed. I simply refused to focus on it if I wasn't working constructively to change it and for that time I was only working to break my consistent focus on the negative.
Then April 19th timmy bombed the Federal Building in Oklahoma City. I didn't want to watch. It was breaking the rule of treasure in - treasure in. But if there's ever a time to break rules... that was one ... because I didn't know who else might be watching and know the best questions to ask.
So after a year long break from focusing on ugly... I dove in.
I'd pace back and forth in my little travel trailer crying, and through gritted teeth saying "What's great about this? Whats great about this? (You have to ask that question 3 days to get your brain to register something so radical and actually begin processing answers if there are any to be found.)
Only I didn't make it three days. It was driving me crazy asking that question. There I was, a mother, an Okie, an American watching them carry our dead and injured loved ones out of that building. Watching and asking that question made me feel insane. So at two and a half days I went to the second question and it was a blessed relief...
Since nothing is great about this.... then how can this massive pain be transformed into reducing massive pain and increasing massive joy in the future? How can we honor their lives by making sure their deaths didn't serve the causes of evil more than the causes of wisdom?
I got out a piece of paper and drew a line down the center of it....
I put timmy on one side and me on the other... I figured his i.q. at about 118 at the most... On the Wechsler scale mine is 148. By my I.Q. test it's a lot higher than that.
I suppose tim thought he was avenging the deaths of those in Waco with the blood he shed in Oklahoma. I understand he considered it "acceptable collateral."
Well I disagree. I don't believe it was acceptable collateral. If I did, I'd go to his town and have a field day myself. But remember, I'm a good deal smarter than tim mcveigh. I don't believe in avenging bloodshed with more bloodshed. Who does that ever heal? No one. What does that ever make better? Nothing.
It's timmy at 118, Lollie at 148.
I asked myself, "Well what did he want to do?" He wanted to force us to share his feelings of hatred, fear, hopelessness and helplessness. That depressed me for a bit. He was doing a bang up job and the news media was inadvertently helping him.
What would a person have to do to defeat his work, to bury it, transform the pain into good works? Well they'd have to spread love, courage, hope and helpfulness throughout our nation at the very least. Could it possibly be done without shedding a single drop of blood?
and I looked back down at that piece of paper and I said...
Lollie... if you can't spread more light than the darkness that son of a b____ spread..... you aren't half as smart as you know you are.
And thats where it started in ernest.
The first step was figuring out what to give people. I knew to make a healing impact I'd need to find the most important information that almost everybody needed and almost no one had and then put it into everyones hands. Thats when I decided to really study and incorporate the most efficient and effective ways to increase healthy happiness and reduce unnecessary emotional suffering. This was the first really good news I had. I'd already been practicing that for a year. I had a head start and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd found the "most important information almost everyone needed and almost no one had...." People don't just have two options concerning their negative emotions. We don't have to either control those emotions or vent them. We can UTILIZE them like the alarm clocks they are. And when we do it makes life a whole lot easier for everybody.
The second step was figuring out how to give them the good news. I knew that in order to make a massive difference it would have to be a multi-mass-media approach.... somehow I had to get this information on the net, in books, tv shows and movies. Learning how to utilize your internal emotional alarm clocks is most difficult because people don't see or hear many examples of it. It's hard to believe something will work if you never notice anyone else doing it.
That made it look impossible again. Luckily, impossible doesn't impress me. I'd rather do the impossible than eat when I'm hungry.
It occurred to me that if I could find a way to put this information in the hands of the most powerful leaders of influence in our world... i.e. people that already have the willing attention of the masses; well then we could begin to see a difference. And who has the willing attention of the masses? Hit song writers, authors of bestselling novels, hit scriptwriters, Ann Landers, Oprah Winfrey, Garth Brooks, etc. If I hit up 100 of them and only 10 took any piece of my site they'd like and shared it with their own audience... we could make a difference. A real difference.
I'll be here forever. Some of them will visit. Some of those that do will help spread this information. I must make this happen for two reasons.
- To honor the lives of those we lost in the bombing
- To prove this maxim to all of us:
"Evil will fail when good people
get off their butts and take action."
-Lollie paraphrasing E. Burke
Site Dedication
Whatever good work is accomplished here let it be
dedicated to honor the lives we lost in the bombing.May God bless us with good works
rising like a phoenix from those ashes.May God damn us all if we allow their deaths
serve the causes of the perpetrators
more than the causes of God/good/wisdom.The end of the first rant. Other rants will be added later.
