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Quit being Stood Up!
My work usually teaches me patterns of effectively reducing unnecessary suffering in relationships. This time my own relationship gave me a perspective that I share in my work.
Let's say he was a "Baja Oklahoma" attorney with way too much business on his plate. We'll call him Bob. He used to stand me up and sometimes when he didn't stand me up, we'd plan a long date and he'd be ready to go home after a few hours. It was breakin my little heart. It was hurtin' my great big ol' ego. I enjoyed him too much to dump him. So I had a little commitment ceremony with myself. It went something like this.
From this day forward:
I am committed to enjoying every single date I make.
It is MY responsibility to enjoy my dates.
If I have a date with Bob for Friday night at 7:00 pm and he isn't there by 7:30, from this day forward - that is not a problem. I don't have to get upset at Bob. In fact, getting upset at Bob isn't even applicable! Being stood up is only an indication that it's time for me to go have a blast at a favorite or new hang out - without Bob.
If Bob and I decide he's coming over till midnight and he comes over and is ready to leave at 8:00, that is not a problem. It's only an indication that it's time for me to freshen my makeup, change into something a little bit sexier and go have a blast at a favorite or new hangout with or without Bob. If he changes his mind and wants to continue having fun - great, if not, just as great.
I don't understand why some people are comfortable breaking dates. I know it used to be a bitterly galling pain when I was stood up. I tried to change them. It didn't work. It only made it worse. Oddly enough though, when I quit holding men responsible for my good time on our dates, they quit standing me up. I have never since dated a man without early on, encouraging him to stand me up as often as he likes. I can and do honestly assure him, he need not feel guilty.
You can count on it. I'm a woman of my word.
I guarantee myself I will enjoy our date
whether he's there to share it or not.
Therefore, "I DO."
This decision brought out a flirty side of me I never knew existed. Come to find out I do enjoy flirting.
Oh and as for Bob.... well the third time he stood me up, I spent our date flirting with a real Okie attorney who made a compelling argument about why I needed to switch to an attorney who was man enough to keep his word, and smart enough not to leave a girl like me on a date by herself. Bob was dumbfounded when I switched. Go figure.
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Quit Suffering Being Stood Up!
"The mind, once stretched by an empowering idea,
can never fully shrink to its original dimensions."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, paraphrased
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