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YELLING I thought I told you, YELLING usually defeats your purpose! "85k" 640x480 | "119k" 800x600

 Is that a visual oxymoron? I didn't mean for this to be funny. I wrote these specific words for this particular image to bring up something important, parents yelling at kids. Some of the nicest people yell like maniacs at their kids. We yell when we feel like we're not being heard. Maybe the problem is more that our kids hear us too well. Maybe when we tell them what lazy, thoughtless cretins they are.... maybe they believe us. I mean, who do they believe more than their own parents?

Actually what I see happening over and over is this: The parent looks at their child, their creation and that creation looks pretty close to perfect, just needs an adjustment here and a nudge there and so that's what we speak up about - what's wrong with this near perfect picture. Trouble is, our children only hear what we're saying, not everything we're thinking too. So unless we work hard at keeping things in balance, soon all our kids hear are the things that's wrong with them. Soon they feel like there's nothing they do right. Why even try to be good? What's the point? Parents can still find fault no matter what. As a result, pretty soon the parent feels like nothing they do to help their child be better is working. Why try anything new? Just keep yelling.

These are often good people. Pretty good parents, pretty good kids. Too many of them feeling worthless and helpless and hopeless to change it for the better. Here's one simple rule that's easy to remember, a little tough to install and well worth any difficulties encountered in the process.

Give your child five honest compliments
for every correction.

You needn't cram them all together. Spread them out if you like. Some parents, used to looking for nothing but the worst, can see nothing else. Let me help. If you lost them tomorrow, suddenly your heart and mind would be filled with all their charms, sweetest expressions and lilting laughter. It's easy when you imagine it. Just remember, five to one. A new habit to form, one we need never regret. Think about it, we're training the parents of our grandchildren.

"The mind, once stretched by an empowering idea,
can never fully shrink to its original dimensions."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, paraphrased

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