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Every relationship is like a baby. When you're kind you nourish the baby. When you're hateful you hit the baby. (more......) "71k" 640x480 | "98k" 800x600 |
Relationships are like babies. Without our love and nurturing, they die. If we hit them enough times or hard enough with our hatefulness, they die. And it doesn't matter whether we're talking about our relationships with our life mates, our friends, our children, our siblings, our coworkers or even ourselves.
Our relationships are our babies. They can no more exist without our care and attention than any other baby can. They are damaged by hatefulness, cruelty and neglect just like any other baby would be. When you hit your spouse or your child, whether with your hand, your words, or your silence.... it doesn't just hurt the person you're hitting. You're hurting the baby too. You're damaging your relationship. See what I mean?
I'm not suggesting you never have a conflict. Far from it. My friend Deanna and I have a relationship that is a great baby. A long time ago, we had a pretty big fuss over just how much time I was spending at the computer and how little exercise I was getting. My anger was escalating hers, hers was escalating mine. She said, "I'll tell you why I'm doing this..." I interrupted her and I said, "No, I'll tell you why you're doing this! You're doing this because you're my best friend and you're worried about me. You want me to be healthy. You can lead a Lollie to the exercise tape, but no one but I can make her work out. And that's why we're fussing." As I spoke those simple truths, my voice cracked, our eyes began to water up and our fuss was all over except for the making up.
It was the beginning of my working out regularly. It was my right to win, because it was my body. But she was the one who was in the right. As always, the only correct answer was the one where both won.
We were next door neighbors until I moved to Texas. We're still best of friends. We always will be. We like this baby. It's a beauty. It's creative, funny, challenging and ornery. We nourish it through e-mails, calls and the occasional visit. What a great baby. One of billions of great babies in our world.
I only bring this up today because before I started viewing all relationships as babies; and all of my relationships as MY babies.... I was pretty mean to people when I was angry. It was too easy to believe (incorrectly) that in a relationship one can win over the other. Nope. In relationships, either you both win together, or you both lose; no matter who thinks they're winning.
Please, for your own sake and for theirs, be good to your babies. Be good to your lifemates, your children, your parents, your coworkers and yourself. This isn't an order, just a thought from someone who cares.
"The mind, once stretched by an empowering idea,
can never fully shrink to its original dimensions."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, paraphrased
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