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Remember the 4 to 1 rule! When in conflict the odds are 4 to 1 against you being the only one in the right. (more........) "66k" 800x600 "91k" 1024x768 "363k" 2048x1536 (8x10 print version) |
When we're irritated or angry, it's very easy to believe we're completely in the right and the other person is completely in the wrong. However, I've decided the odds are 4 to 1 against it, especially in conflicts with friends, coworkers and family members. (See the possibilities below and on the wallpaper.)
Take a look at the possibilities. See for yourself.
- You are 100% right, they are 100% wrong.
- They are 100% right, you are 100% wrong.
- You are both partly right and partly wrong.
- You are both right.
- You are both wrong.
I took that picture of the clover blossom in an open field near Tahlequah, OK. When you download it, you can see two teensy tiny little clover blossom bugs. One is near the top of the blossom, the other looks like an adorable upside down alien, near the bottom. If they were people instead of bugs, in no time at all, one would be bragging to the other that their spot was the best spot on the flower. The other would defiantly disagree. Which of course would be an example of number four on the list, "you are both right." Both spots on the flower are the best spots, because it's strictly a matter of opinion.
One of the most amazing things about a certain good friend of mine is that after a disagreement, we can both sit back not like adversarial lawyers, but more like convening Judges and disect the disagreement together. Some bits and pieces of our disecting conversations are:
"I was wrong there...." "You think so? Really? Explain, I missed it."
"You shouldn't have said....." "You're right, and not only shouldn't I have said it, that's not even the way I feel either...."
"You were so funny when you said...." (giggling with delight) "yeah and I about died when you said....!!"
Anytime you have a friend or loved one that can have conversations with you like that after a disagreement, that is a person worth keeping.
We all know people who are never, ever, ever wrong (to hear them tell it!) and I wanted to remind myself and you too, please, always remember the 4 to 1 rule. The odds are 4 to 1 against you being completely right and them being completely wrong. One more thought, next time you notice someone admitting they weren't the only one in the right, completely fair, or that (challenge of all challenges) they were even completely in the wrong...... REWARD THAT PERSON. Especially if it's you. People that can admit they were even partly wrong are rare jewels indeed.
"The mind, once stretched by an empowering idea,
can never fully shrink to its original dimensions."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, paraphrased
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