How to Be Depressed
Instructions
Note: This is gonna hurt.
Physiological Exercises
- Slouch.
- Let your face muscles sag.
- Actually droop the corners of your mouth.
- If nothing else, at least look bored.
- Sigh a lot.
- Move slowly and lethargically.
- Rub your face the way you do when you feel depressed.
Remember you cannot be depressed unless you follow most of these instructions!!
Mental Instructions & Exercises
- Start some sad music playing.
- Start thinking that depression is a fact of everyone's life and there's nothing you can do to change that.
- Think about the saddest moment in your life.
- Think about the worst sense of failure you've ever felt.
- Think about the time the world seemed the cruelest, the time you most wanted to give up.
- If these are separate times, fuse them all together. Make it so they all happened at once.
- Now relive them. Actually go through it again, down to the words and the actions.
- Imagine yourself there again. Feel the pain again. Don't let your defenses separate you from the pain. You are there. It's happening. You hurt.
- Read Stephen King, Dean Koontz and Anne Rice. Great writers and boy can they depress you and make you feel crazy or what???
- Make "just getting through the day" one of your most important priorities.
- Think about how unfair life is. Think about people who have things you wish you had and don't think about what they went through to get it - just feel jealous and upset.
- Think about something bad going on in your world, and then think about how bad things are going for you personally and why does so much crap have to happen to you!
- Think about something you have to do but hate to do, and just keep thinking of how much you hate it and why you hate it and whats fair about this anyways. Don't do anything to change the situation. Just keep doing it and hating it.
- Return to the here and now. Think
about how this exercise affected you. Can you do it once a day? Can you go
through this much unnecessary pain every day? Can you go through this
almost continuously?
Well sure! It's easy! Any one can do it! Lots of people do, day in and
day out and they don't even have these instructions to go by!
YOU have the instructions. Any time you want to be depressed
return to this page and follow most of these instructions. And you'll be
down in the dumps in no time at all!
At this point you may be doubtful. You may be thinking "Oh sure, easy
for a little while, but what if I'd like to stay depressed... I mean - like
for years. I'll bet thats not so easy, huh!"
Well my fine friend believe it or not thats the easiest part of all! Just
follow the instructions for thirty days and depression will have become a
habit that not only will come easily to you - you'll find it's a little difficult
to break!
Thats how easy it is be depressed on occasion or even every day if you like.
The experience varies from person to person, but for those who choose to
follow these instructions daily - it can become a whole new way of life! Once
you see how to operate your own brain this way - depression no longer has
to be a crippling disease. Now it has become a lifestyle option.
Note: Under no circumstances
am I suggesting that people stop taking any medication that's currently
being prescribed for them by a medical or naturopathic Doctor.
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How to Be Happy
Instructions
Note: This is gonna feel good.
Physiological Exercises
- Sit up straight.
- Let your face come alive.
- Smile as big as you enjoyably can.
- If nothing else, look interested.
- Grin, chuckle and laugh more.
- Move energetically.
- Touch your face the way you do when you're happy.
Remember you cannot be happy unless you follow most of these instructions!!
Mental Instructions & Exercises
- Play some "feel good" music.
- Start thinking that happiness is a fact of everyone's life and it would be silly to change that.
- Think about the happiest moment in your life.
- Think about the greatest sense of success you've ever felt.
- Think about a time the world seemed the kindest, when you were determined to NEVER give up.
- If these are separate times, fuse them all together. Make it so they all happened at once.
- Now relive them. Actually go through it again, down to the words and the actions.
- Imagine yourself there again. Feel the joy again. Don't let your defenses separate you from the fun of it. It's happening. You feel great!
- Read Chicken Soup for the Soul, Touched by an Angel and your favorite comic strip. Boy does that make you feel great or what???
- Make healthy fun and happiness "today" a top priority.
- Think about how unfair life is. Think about things you have that some others don't have. Thank God for wonderful gifts like your eyes, your thumbs, your dog & your friends.
- Think about something bad going on in your world, then think "whats the healthiest thing I can do to make that a little better? Think till you get an answer. Then do it!
- Think about something you have to do but hate to do, and then start thinking about what there is to really enjoy in this thing you must do. All the time you are doing this thing that you have to do but hate to do, focus on whats to enjoy anyways.
- Return to the here and now. Think
about how this exercise affected you. Can you do it once a day? Can you go
through this much joy every day? Can you go through this almost continuously?
Well sure! It's easy! Any one can do it! Lots of people do every day and they don't have the instructions to go by!
YOU have the instructions. Any time you want to be happy
return to this page and follow most of these instructions. And you'll be
happy
in no time at all!
You may be doubtful. You may be thinking "Oh sure, easy
for a while, but what if I'd like to stay happy for years.
I'll bet thats not so easy, huh!"
Believe it or not thats the easiest part of all! Just
follow these instructions for thirty days and happiness will have become a
habit that not only will come easily to you - you'll find it's a little difficult
to break!
Thats how easy it is be happy on occasion or even every day.
The experience varies from person to person, but for those who choose to
follow these instructions daily - it can become a whole new way of life! Once
you see how to operate your own brain this way - happiness is no longer
just someone else's lifestyle. Now it has become a lifestyle option for YOU.
Note: Under no circumstances
am I suggesting people stop taking medication currently
prescribed for them by a medical or Naturopathic Doctor.
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