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that Reduce Suffering Anger and/or Making Others Suffer It |
My TOP Value:
Reduce unnecessary emotional suffering and increase healthy happiness in myself and others. (That pretty much precludes ugliness right there)
My Favorite Rules concerning anger: I respect your rules and your sincere beliefs including the ones that seem silly or confusing to me whether you respect any of my rules or not. Do I ever break this? Less and less and less often.
And just to back that first one up here are three more:
- I must ENJOY the diversity in others opinions.
- I must find the beauty in them.
- I must appreciate the gift of diversity.
Anger is an alarm clock that's easily utilized after you practice for a while. Utilizing anger is extremely beneficial. Suffering anger or influencing others to suffer anger is damaging.
When I experience anger it must be like that "ding.. ding.. ding" that tells you the lights are still on and you're going to run the battery down rather than with any intensity. Also when I communicate with anyone about a rules conflict, again my intention always is to communicate with a gentle "ding... ding... ding."
I refuse to use hateful words that escalate anger. We never know who is near an important edge in their lives, especially not on posting boards and in chat rooms. For all I know, someone I yell at might have just lost their dog, their job and their wife and they're on the verge of suicide or murder - I refuse to add one hateful word because when someone is on an edge like that sometimes all it takes is one more hateful word. Or maybe they're not near an edge but they're important in the life of someone who is... it's all ripples.
I am absolutely responsible for my influence on others. Influence is POWER. Tony Robbins has influenced every person who has ever listened to one of his tapes, read one of his books and/or attended one of his seminars to have happier healthier lives. His power comes from his healthy influence. Influence is a power we all have and like any power - it is neither good nor evil in and of itself.... it's all in what you do with it.
I REFUSE to allow myself to be upset about ANY injustice UNLESS: unless I'm ranting 5% and working 95% to constructively and enjoyably change it for the better. Otherwise I REFUSE to focus on it. I leave it to the ones who are working constructively to change it.
Friends are empowering. Enemies are dis-empowering.
Intelligent people do not use words that escalate anger. I took the Wechsler I.Q. test when I was 22. It was supposed to be the most accurate I.Q. test there was. They said they didn't know how to grade it because I gave them three correct answers that weren't in their books and all they could say for sure was that I was a genius. There were no instructions for grading the test when a person gave a correct answer that wasn't in the book. What does that prove? It proves I.Q. tests are bull! Why? Because the one thing all of us want more of is happiness and the one thing we want less of is pain... and my life was miserable.
I lived in almost constant and damaging conflict for 40 years. I know as well as anyone how horrible it feels to be mad as hell. To me it's like some terrible "bathtub amphetamine" - hearts pound, pulses race and cutting ugly words are on your lips and in your ears and inside your head you're saying "HOW COULD THEY???" and "How dare they???" and "I'll show them ....!!!" oh and this big empowering statement "Well I sure told them this time!!" Then after it's all calmed down you feel so embarrassed that people saw you treating another human being that way. I know. I lived there most of my life. Not very bright.
Speaking and/or taking action while mad is like being drunk - you don't even realize how it looks to others until after it's completely over. I was sick of waking up and seeing what others saw. The Problem Solver helped me get better.
Every minute spent mad is another minute of happiness lost. Many times someone has said to me "if you're so smart why aren't you rich... and every time I'd think, no... if I'm so smart why can't I figure out how to be happy??? So (after Tony) I wrote my own I.Q. test and I'll happily kiss anyone's butt who can show me a shorter more accurate I.Q. test anywhere in our world... cause if you can find an I.Q. test more accurate than mine I'll put it on this site too! :>
I must be friendly, generous, open, respectful and I still stand my ground. In fact it's much easier to stand my ground because I know I'm not going to get ugly no matter what they say. My friend Alan was concerned that with my other rules I'd put myself into a position to be a pushover for either a bully or a high pressure salesman. So I added this rule. Just to be on the safe side. :>
If you have ever hit any human or animal with either your hands or an object or words that hurt you might want to download these rules into your mental hardware and after 30 days... I promise you'll be happier than if you'd gotten a $50,0000 raise! Always remember that every word that falls from your mouth is a gift to your world. Every day I ask myself "What kind of gifts will I give to benefit my world today?"
Michael the Gorilla's Painting: Anger
"The mind, once stretched by an empowering idea,
can never fully shrink to its original dimensions."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, paraphrased
Every single one of the the three hundred plus pages of this site was built to draw you here to see this one page. Look. See for yourself what I consider so important I'd go to such lengths to share it.
Thank you for sharing this page with your friends.
Your thoughts and feelings are important to me.
Talk to me.
Tahlequah, OK
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